Discovering Neurodivergence Later in Life: A Journey Many Women Are Taking

I’ve been doing a lot of reading and learning recently on neurodivergence, as it’s becoming more and more widely understood in both adults and children. My particular interest has been in later-in-life diagnosis for women, and how this awareness can reshape so many aspects of identity, relationships, and wellbeing.

For many years, the research and diagnostic criteria for neurodivergence, particularly ADHD and autism, were based largely on boys and men. Girls often presented differently: masking traits, overcompensating, and blending into expectations. They became “the good student,” “the perfectionist,” or “the quiet dreamer,” roles that sometimes hid what was happening internally. Many women grew up feeling different without knowing why and carrying labels like “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” “too disorganized,” or “too much.”

Later-in-life diagnosis or self-identification can bring with it an incredible shift. Women often describe a mix of relief, grief, and curiosity:

• Relief that there is finally language for lifelong struggles that were once framed as character flaws.

• Grief for the time and energy spent masking, or the opportunities missed because of misunderstanding.

• Curiosity about who they are beyond the coping strategies and personas they built to “fit in.”

This reframe can ripple into every area of life including work, parenting, friendships, self-esteem, and even how one understands rest and joy.

How My Approach as a Therapist Has Shifted

As a therapist, my approach has shifted as I’ve learned more about neurodivergence. I aim to create a space where your unique brain wiring is understood, not pathologized. Therapy can support women navigating this new identity in several ways:

• Making sense of the past: Re-examining childhood, school, or past relationships through a neurodivergent lens can help release shame and foster self-compassion.

• Processing grief and relief: It’s natural to feel both sorrow for missed opportunities and relief at understanding yourself better. Therapy provides a safe space for both.

• Building practical strategies: Beyond insight, therapy can help with challenges like managing energy, executive functioning, or sensory overwhelm.

• Finding your authentic self: We work together to explore who you are beyond masking or coping strategies, and how to live in a way that feels genuine and sustainable.

• Advocating for yourself: Learning how to communicate your needs—at work, in relationships, or with family—is an important part of this process.

Moving Forward with Compassion and Curiosity

Neurodivergence is not a flaw, rather it’s simply another way of being human. For women diagnosed or discovering this identity later in life, therapy can be a powerful place to unpack, process, and move forward with compassion.

This journey is not just about understanding challenges; it’s about recognizing strengths, honouring resilience, and creating space for authenticity.

If you’re walking this path, or wondering if it might resonate for you, you’re not alone. Therapy can offer a supportive partnership as you rewrite your story with gentleness and courage.